I Want Wednesday

*A lifetime supply of these....so yummy!! Try 'em!! You'll like 'em!

*less debt.

*this peanut butter cupcake!! Yum!!

*drip pans...exciting I know, but this is a rather urgent necessity at this point, um considering that I was using the stove last week and one of them caught on FIRE because of so much CRUD on it...awful I know.

*And I'm still aching for an iMac...my desktop PC has officially DIED so I'm operating with my laptop only, which is NOT at all my preference, but is certainly going to have to do, considering the price of the iMac.

*THIS outdoor patio furniture...right now I have only 2 plastic adirondack chairs on my patio...E is forever wanting to play outside and well, I'd like something comfy to sit on. If I had this set, I'd make a point to eat outside too. It's always been my dream to have a cozy outdoor/backyard area.  And BOO on Target for not letting me copy the picture to post here. Stupid website!!

*And I'd love this Solar Umbrella to go with the patio set...you know, since the umbrellas are NEVER included. *sigh*

*And some cute solar lights or string lights would also make for some great ambiance...

nose stuck in a book & a giveaway!!

*that would be the most accurate description of me lately...so much so that until yesterday, I hadn't done a bit of scrapbooking in at least a month. figures...I get on a Design Team and then have no interest in scrapbooking. funny.

*anyway, just finished a book last night...it's called "Never Let Me Go" by Kazuo Ishiguro

*It was an interesting book for certain and at times a bit odd...I guess they are making it into a movie too...I had no idea but I will definitely have to see it when it comes out. The story line has a bit of sci-fi in it for those who like that, but that is not the overlying theme. It's unlike anything I have ever read before.

*As you may know, I am a bit (or more) obsessed with historical fiction books, particularly taking place in and around the Holocaust & World War II time frame. I have read a bunch of them already, but there are so so many more to read...there is just not enough time in the day.

*If you are also interested in books of this genre, I wanted to let you know of a giveaway going on right now - find it here!! This blogger is giving away a copy of 22 Britannia Road by Amanda Hodgkinson. So go her site and find all the ways you can earn entries to win. Enjoy!

*I'm currently reading "The Scent of Rain & Lightning" by Nancy Pickard  loaned out from my public library FREE to me for my Nook...I am loving my e-reader...not only do I read faster on it, I'm saving a TON of money on books by getting them from my library. I currently have 7 checked out (too many!) and another 6-8 on my waiting list. Crazy!!

Long Weekend!

So after much debate about whether to take E to school on Friday or not, I've determined that I have to take him for AT LEAST part of the day, so we'll do a late drop off - around 11am and then pick up after nap time around 3-3:30pm.

At least we get to sleep in! Hooray for that!!

My plan for the rest of the day is as follows:

11am - Drop off E

11:20am - Back home to do 4 mile run on treadmill (!!!)

12:00pm - Shower & Dress

12:30pm - Head to Consignment Sale (& wait in line!) to pick up unsold items and my CHECK! Woot!

1:30pm - Much needed pedicure :)

2:30pm - Hang out at SBUX or other cafe/bookstore and read until time to pick up E.

3:30pm - Pick up my super duper cutie pie & go home to play in the backyard.

Sounds like a great day to me!!!

Right now we have ZERO plans for Saturday, well besides grocery shopping (blah!)...which I may just put off for another day anyway.

Sunday is 9am Mass followed by an Easter Egg Hunt - good times!!

Mom & I have discussed possibly doing the RIO movie with E on Sunday afternoon...we'll see how that works out.

And Monday I'm going to the local scrapbook store for about 5 hours to hopefully do my 3 required monthly layouts for the Design Team and maybe a few more...I have done ZERO scrapbooking for at least the past month...it's been replaced with reading...and the dead PC in the office/scrap area hasn't helped matters. I rarely even go in that room now.

fake it 'til ya' make it

*so for me that means, "pretend to be  happy as long as you can"...

*I am VERY happy about this 3.5 day work week followed by a 4 day weekend.

*I got the most challenging part of the week out of the way on Monday, so hoping for smooth sailing the rest of the week.

*we have been spending LOTS of time playing in the sandbox lately...

as well as wearing lots of new hats...this one purchased by grandma but picked out by E...he now says he's afraid of the "wolf" though.

*And I've been playing with that Hipstamatic app for taking the above pictures.

*And this one of my cutie-pie taken a couple of weeks ago when we had to get a little dressed up. *so handsome* I love that kiddo!!

*Not sure what we'll do on our day off Friday...I really want to take him to see RIO but not sure if I'm brave enough to go alone AND on Good Friday when potentially 8 billion other kids could be there. Not to mention the rest of the week looks like perfect movie-theater weather - nothing but clouds and rain. It would be only his 2nd movie in a theatre, with the 1st being TS3 last year...just makes me a bit nervous. So the jury is still out on that decision, but I really want to do something FUN for him vs just hanging out at home.

back to the real me

Yeah, so I did my one 'positive' post requirement for the quarter...or year...we'll see. Back to the regular "my life sucks" me...here we go...consider yourself warned...and reminded that THIS IS MY OUTLET.

I pretty much hate my life...not to the point of wanting to end it or anything like that, but just cannot find much to feel happy about.

*I want to lose weight...desperately...I really really want this...I hate my body, I hate how I feel right now and I long for how I felt in 2006/early 2007 at such a good weight and lots of regular exercise. I am feeling like it's just absolutely impossible at this point. I don't run much because I am exhausted at the end of the work day, which is often 5pm or later even though I DO work in a school...I tutor after school 2-3 days a week for extra $$...because I HAVE to...because I AM AN IDIOT and married a LOSER. And making matters worse...EVERY.SINGLE.DAY at work I see all these doctor's wives dropping off their kids in their full Nike gear headed directly to the gym (or tennis court for the true snobs) to maintain their 'perfect-little-body' ...so again it all comes down to WHO you marry and I totally fucked that one up. I guess I deserve this...

*Even if I'm not exhausted, I often just DON'T want to run when I get home because that is MY time to spend with Ethan...it's bad enough that he's at daycare/preschool for 9-10 hours every.single.day. And when I say "my" time, that is really spent making dinner, cleaning up after dinner and getting ready for the next day of the same 'ol shit. I hate it.

*And then it's not just the lack of exercise...I'm an emotional eater and so in times like these, that means I'm eating just about everything in sight. Not good if one is trying to lose weight. I'm sorry but when there is nothing "happy" in my day...a few Oreo cookies make me feel a little happy...and sure it's temporary (as my mom quickly reminded me), but it's better than not at all.

*Then there's the whole drama with O and the psycho ex-wife...that crap continues and well, maybe I deserve this too since I did make the stupid decision to marry him, but I don't care, I'm still fuckin' mad. This is DIRECTLY impacting ME and I did everything "right"...you know - I didn't go off making kids when I was 17 and screwing around just having fun...I was a responsible individual going to school in the effort to make a good life for myself...which I was doing until (ironically) 2007 when my life went to Hell in a handbasket. So now O is out working side jobs just about every weekend if he has them, which means ZERO "alone-time" for me...you know, like going to a scrapbook crop or something...just not an option these days. And I do LOVE being at home with E and hanging out, but it would be nice to get out just once a month maybe.

*And last, but certainly not least...the 'rents situation...well, really mom and her husband....as I posted earlier.  Then there's the situation which is closely connected which would be the constant reminder of what a loser I am...you know, compared to step-sister in CA and her 6 figure salary, countless houses, trip to Hawaii for her 40th (back in January), constant running races she does...marathons and more and more marathons...she is just fucking fantastic...especially in the eyes of those who place high value on having lots of money and being in beautiful shape. I am the exact polar opposite of her which ultimately means I am a complete piece of shit. And sure, she may not have any kids, but when spending time with your grandchild isn't really high on your priority list anyway (or your husband's), then it also doesn't matter that she doesn't have any kids.

*Oh and I've mentioned the whole comparison situation to my mom...who of course adamantly denies that I am thought to be such a loser...well, I may not be very successful, but I'm not an idiot...I know how I look from the outside.

Total Crap

I think my mom's husbands goal in life is to keep my mom away from me as much as possible with exotic trips and other random bullshit.

They are currently in FL for an annual pig roast that HIS friend does, then when they return, he has some medical stuff next week so she likely will not be able to go to the movies with me and E...you know, cuz she will need to wait on him hand and foot!

Then she just posted that they are going somewhere in Europe in May for 2 weeks...she posted this on someone else's FB page but hasn't said anything to me about it. Gee thanks!!! Not like she has TEN kids to inform...I'm a fucking only child for shits sake! Thanks for letting me know....not that I can count on her for childcare or anything else for that matter.

Need I remind you that they spent the entire month of January in FL too.

I feel SO loved!!

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the one where I try to write ONLY about positive things

*yeah - let's see if I'll have any success at this post title...

*finished another couple of books recently...The Postmistress by Sarah Blake - I gave it 3/5 stars on Goodreads.com. I struggled w/this one...even being OBSESSED with the WWII era...it took me just about exactly 50 pages to figure out what was going on AND to decide if I would continue...thankfully it was just the 1st two chapters that were difficult. I hate giving up on a book. The other reason for 3 stars is that the ending was less than stellar. On to the next book...

*Now I'm reading Pictures of You by Caroline Leavitt and it is REALLY good and suspenseful so far. I hope to finish it in the next couple of days. 

*I have yet to read a book I've PAID for on my Nook...the past 5-6 e-books have all been from the library which of course are FREE. Love that!! Hopefully in the long run this will help my pocketbook from suffering from my book addiction.

*on Saturday, I successfully dropped off a good chunk of baby clothes at the ginormous consignment sale that will take place next week. hoping i pick up a healthy check on Good Friday when it's over.

*there are only 33 days of school left. 38 workdays left for me.

*13 days to Easter...or when I can freely drink a Starbucks Iced Chai any 'ol day of the week.Yum!

*I just received a coupon for a FREE pound of chicken salad from EarthFare. (yep, I'm stretching to find anything positive I can) :)

*I plan to spend the entire day on April 25 scrapbooking...perk to working in a Catholic school...no school the day after Easter.

I Want Wednesday...

*a newborn baby....yeah, that's not gonna happen.

*a great job offer...preferably located in FL or TX.

*my scrapbook camp to FILL to capacity. please.

*a fun & not-to-painful summer temp job if my scrapbook camp doesn't fill.

nostalgia

*so my Facebook page as well as my real-life world is blowing up with newborn babies lately...

*as adorable as that may be...it is terribly depressing for me too...indeed E is super fun now at age 3, but I would do anything to go back to his newborn days...it was SOOOO very fun, even all the lack of sleep. 

*It would also be nice to be able acquire more photos of that time...you see, I have next to ZERO pics of him IN the hospital or right after he was born. O and my mom flaked on that completely...I was suffering an anesthesia-like hangover and was kinda out of it for a while so I lacked to remind them. I also took the pediatrician literally when she said not to take E anywhere for 12 weeks (except to his peds appointments) because it was crazy-flu season...so I never took him for a newborn photo shoot...what the hell was I thinking?

*another reason that is depressing is that there will be no more babies born to this (old) girl. :(

*for the past few months just walking thru the baby department of stores is painful...I want to buy a bunch of little outfits etc. I miss that.