a whole bunch of nothing

~while E and I were out running errands on Saturday, I noticed a guy standing on the corner holding a HUGE sign about a furniture store closeout. Now, I see these signs around here ALL.THE.TIME. and frankly, I just don't get it. Is this really a wise way of spending advertising dollars? If you work in or have studied Advertising, please let me know. I am truly curious. I've lived in many other places, including larger cities and yet have never seen this form of advertising utilized...at least not in THIS day and age.

~every Summer I am grossly reminded of the fact that I completely picked the WRONG city to move to. how is it that the closest MLB park is 3 hours away. completely unacceptable! I am used to going to no less than 5 MLB games per year and well, in the past 3 years I have been to ONLY 1 GAME. that's just not right. time to move!

~is there anything worse than running out JUST for a SBUX Chai and then getting the worst made Chai EVER. Yes, I went through the drive thru and didn't want the hassle of getting back in line. SO infuriating.

~I'm considering doing another giveaway. I have some cute summer-themed clear stamps and then I recently made a few little 3x3 'books' - they turned out really cute, if I do say so myself.

~If you are looking for a book to read, I HIGHLY recommend reading "The Secret Life of CeeCee Wilkes" - I just started it on Thursday night (in super comfy Marriott hotel bed) and am already 200 pages in - which is RARE for me to read so fast. I've been staying up WAY TOO late every night so I can get a good chunk of reading in.

~On Saturday E and I just happened to be in the same neighborhood as Best Buy - what a coincidence - I was summoned to go in, I could not help it. I left with this: *smile*

I love it already. Very easy to use and lots of fun.

and so we are back...

~got back into town on Friday evening. E and I hung out @ mom's and had pizza for dinner with them since O was working late. we finally got home around 8:15pm.

~upon arrival in Atlanta, we made a very necessary stop @ Archiver's (a scrapbooker's dream store) where I spent far less than I thought I would have. Only $40. Good for the budget though. From there we proceeded directly to Zoo Atlanta. Fun times were had by all. Here's a pic to prove it:

~on Friday we enjoyed seeing the Coca Cola Museum. they have a 4D movie with moving seats. Unfortunately though, I had a non-moving seat next to a certain someone's stroller. I about had a coronary when we first arrived as E decided he was going to make crazy amounts of noise and well, be a 15 month old boy I suppose. thankfully he quickly got over that. we had taken him to Centennial Park prior to going to the Coca Cola Museum so I was hoping he would totally konk out, but that SO did not happen.

~after the museum we went back to the hotel to check out and then proceed on to Ikea. What a dreamland. I could have spent a fortune there, but I didn't. I will definitely go back and get some cute things for E's room as he grows. So fun.

~an interesting little tid bit that I learned on this trip. I had just introduced E to the sippy cups with straws on Wednesday and so en route to Atlanta @ one of our 'pit stops' I was shocked to see that he had drenched his diaper, ultimately exceeding it's capactity and therefore soaking through his shorts. This was only 1 hour into the trip. WTH? I quickly realized that he is chugging his juice and water now with the straw. It makes sense though - since I've belonged to Weight Watchers a gazillion times, they always encourage members to drink the gallons of water with a straw since it goes down quicker/easier. Yep and the same goes for little boys and their straw cups.

~because E wanted to really make me work. he over-peed his diaper on the way back too...actually while we were at Ikea. I'm telling ya' he had JUST been changed about 1 hour prior, so apparently he does all his peeing within a 15 minute timespan. Great! Fun times ahead I am sure.

~we were also going to stop @ Ulta 3 on the way home but my mom and her husband couldn't seem to figure out where in the heck we were and when they realized that we were probably 10 minutes north of the store, her husband refused to go back. Turd!

~So now it's Saturday and E and I have run some errands which apparently tired him out because he has been napping for about 90 minutes. Yay. I think he has officially transitioned to one long nap per day - that works for me.

~there's nothing like a Social Security Earnings Statement arriving in the mail to send you into a deep depression...especially when it reminds you that you made $46k LESS last year than the year prior. Yeah, that was very uplifting.

Have a great weekend!!

ETA: how could I forget to mention the hotel bed. Oh my gosh - the bed @ this Marriott hotel was pure and simple HEAVEN. E and I had a King size all to ourselves and oh the pillows, the pillows on this dreamy bed - it was like the icing on the cake. We both slept 'til almost 8am and he only woke one time during the night (miracle bed!). I was seriously considering (still am) taking up full time residence there...maybe I could just work there in exchange for a room. When I mentioned my deep love for the bed & pillows to my mom, she answered "they sell them"...oh now more than ever do I wish I had a "real" job!!!!

If you have the chance to stay @ a Marriott hotel, I HIGHLY recommend it. The only reason I was able to stay @ such a 'fancy' (for me) hotel was because mom's hubby paid - Mother's Day gift. Sweet!!!

questions galore!

Since I'm off having fun in Atlanta I decided to post some more great questions. I found these at I Read Banned Books...check out her answers, they are hilarious. Enjoy.

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
bad hair day!

2. How much cash do you have on you?
$4.00

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
poor

4. Favorite planet?
Pluto, or wait is that the one that is no longer considered a planet? Well, if so, it's still a planet in my world because Pluto is my favorite Disney character. So there.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
O

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
"Something More" by Sugarland

7. What shirt are you wearing?
Well, right now it is Wednesday night and I am wearing a yellow tshirt which is my pajama top.

8. Do you label yourself?
Only with words like fat and miserable.

9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing?
Oh heck. I don't know. They are plain 'ol beige flip flops. Super comfy.

10. Bright or dark room?
Natural light is my friend.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
I don't know her, but her answers were freakin' hilarious.

12. What does your watch look like?
which one? I'm a watch-addict.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
sleeping.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
UT Alert C"B - not sure what the hell that is supposed to mean.

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
Texas maybe? I don't think we have any in TN.

16. What’s a word that you say a lot?
crap-tastic. teehee.

17. Who told you he/she loved you last?
my mom.

18. Last furry thing you touched?
milo or hula.

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
not nearly enough.

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
none. i cannot remember the last time I have had to develop film. i don't even own a camera that uses film.

21. Favorite age you have been
16

22. Your worst enemy?
probably myself @ times.

23. What is your current desktop picture?
Me and E

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"i know" - when my mom told me I always leave a can of pop (soda for you Southerners) half empty (or full for you optimists).

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
I'll take the million because then I can buy all the flights I want to.

26. Do you like someone?
I like my friends.

27. The last song you listened to?
"Love Who You Love" by Rascal Flatts...it's currently on my iPod 'favorites' playlist .

28. What time of day were you born?
10:10pm

29. What’s your favorite number?
13

30. Where did you live in 1987?
Michigan

31. Are you jealous of anyone?
Sure

32. Is anyone jealous of you?
They shouldn't be, at least not right now.

33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
In Arizona. Getting ready for work

34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
depends on how badly I wanted said item in machine. in the least, I end up frustrated.

35. Do you consider yourself kind?
most of the time.

36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
on my hip, so no one would see it.

37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
let's try Italian this time.

38. Would you move for the person you loved?
Hell no. Because love doesn't last. Ever!

39. Are you touchy feely?
not particularly.

40. What’s your life motto?
poop on everything - at least right now. lol.

41. Name three things that you have on you at all times.
keys.debit card.iTouch.

42. What’s your favorite town/city?
Chicago!!

43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
a grande iced chai @ the SBUX in Kroger tonight. had to stop for a new toothbrush for E as his went MIA this morning.

44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
maybe a year ago. my friends in The Sticks, Mexico don't have computers or email!!

45. Can you change the oil on a car?
ha. that's funny. no.

46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
haven't heard a peep in a long while. i think he lives in CA.

47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?
not far.

48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?
my wedding. a white wedding dress. because everyone else does.

49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
head.neck.shoulders= stress

50. Have you been burned by love?
i'll let you guess on this one.

more than you would ever want to know

As E and I are now on our way to 2 fun-filled days in Atlanta...here is a more 'upbeat' post to help you fend off any boredom that might come your way.

Today's blog inspiration comes from Travel & Dive Girl who got it from Renée's Blog. I loved the original questions and thought I'd swipe it too. Probably more information about me than you would EVER want to know.

What is your best friend's name?
Laura

Where is the weirdest place you have a mole?
I wouldn't say it's weird, but I have a small one on my neck.

Who was the hottest teacher you ever had?
10th grade - not sure what he taught, but he doubled as our JV Softball Coach.

Have you ever made out in a movie theatre?
Yes, I'm afraid so.

What body part do you wash first?
My stomach, arms and then the rest of me.

Do you hover over the toilet in public bathrooms?
Either that or cover the seat in 75 layers of toilet paper.

What's the strangest talent you have?
None. I am talentless.

Do you have an innie or an outie?
Innie.

What's your favorite flavor of Pringles?
Plain are fine with me.

Have you ever been tied up?
Um, No.

Do you want to be?
No Thank You.

What's the last thing you got grounded for?
I rarely got grounded as a child, but maybe for mouthing off or something? I cannot recall, it's been WAY TOO long.

Do you parallel park or drive around the block?
Depends on how 'roomy' the parallel parking spot is and whether it's only one spot open. If there are two in a row open, then sure I'll pull right in, but generally I am not a fan of parallel parking. It wasn't even part of the instruction in my drivers ed class.

Have you ever had two dates in one night?
Now that's funny. No.

Which shoe do you put on first?
Right.

Have you ever been to a gay bar?
Yes I have. Two of them in fact. Yes, I was hit on. Interesting is all I have to say about that experience.

Girls...are 1,000,000,000 times smarter than guys.

Is there one thing all of you love interests have in common?
They were all men and so far they have all turned out to be assholes. every.single.last.one.of.them.

Did you French kiss before you were 16?
I think so. I was 15 when I met my first boyfriend.

Have you ever been cow tipping or snipe hunting?
Negative. Never would either. I love ALL animals...well, not reptiles.

Who is the last person you usually think about before you go fall asleep?
Ethan of course.

Have you ever had a poem or song written about you?
No. No one has ever been so fond of me to do such a silly thing.

If you had to choose to not ever wash your bed sheets again or not wash your bath towel ever again, which would you rather not wash?
I would probably opt for the towel, but both options are rather gross.

Have you ever found anything in your parents' bedroom that was questionable?
Not necessarily questionable. I knew what such items were for and I was not happy to have stumbled upon them.

What was your childhood nickname?
Ton-Ton...yes, because I was (am) a chunky gal and my best friend's brothers created this 'lovely' nickname for me. I was not happy about it either. Later I just became Max and that was based on my last name and stuck through high school and all sports activities.

When was the last time you played air guitar?
A bazillion years ago. And I think I'm the last person on earth who hasn't played Guitar Hero. And I don't care.

Have you peeked in the opposite sexes locker room?
Probably so, back in high school, although I really can't recall. Must not have been very eventful.
What's the weirdest thing you've done while driving?
Changed my clothes - many times.

Have you ever been on the computer for more than 5 hours straight?
Yes, just about everyday or at least the 3 days a week I am at my 'job'.

How do you eat your cookies?
Depends on what kind of cookie. Oreos are dunked in milk 'til soggy and then eaten in 1 or 2 bites. Chips Ahoy are eaten just like regular 'ol food - take a bite or two. Not so exciting. I prefer Oreos.

When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt?
Um, no.

Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others?
Fart.

How many drinks does it take before you get drunk?
OK, don't laugh @ me, but probably only 2 drinks and that is because I typically do not drink because there really isn't anything out there that tastes that good to me. I think I'm lucky that way, because lately I would say my life has gotten to the point where I could be driven to drink.

Have you ever sniffed an animal's butt?
Ew...no. But I have had to pull a rubber band out of my cat's butt before because she was stupid enough to eat it. It was NOT a pleasant experience.

Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper?
Scrunch.

How many times a day do you pick out a wedgie?
Thankfully almost never. I don't do thongs, but my undies aren't grannie pants either.

Do you have any strange phobias?
I cannot stand stepping on a tile floor with wet feet, particularly in a locker room or shower/bathroom that is not my own.

Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
Now, please tell me why I would even want to do this.

What is the stupidest thing you've ever done at a bar?
Drank too much.

Have you ever been dared to do something that you totally regretted?
Drank excessive amounts of Tequila. Oh boy did I pay for that the next day. Note: this is why I no longer drink. My drinking days were over LONG ago.

Have you caught a guy/girl farting on a date?
No.

Have you ever played naked Twister?
No and I don't intend to. I would frighten the other players.

Have you ever been drunk at work?
Unfortunately not. It would probably make the day go quicker though.

Do you want to bring sexy back?
Sure. Why not?

consumed

~last night I layed in bed consumed by worry & negative thoughts; "how did I get here" "why me" "when will things get better?" "i'm such an idiot" etc. I'm SO stuck in negativity right now, more than I ever have been before. I cannot see any light @ the end of any tunnel.

~I have been made to feel that I am the 'bad guy' lately and that infuriates me. I'm also made to feel as if it doesn't matter whether I exist or not. i feel hated and I don't feel as though I deserve that. i have done nothing wrong with the exception of 'firing back' when fired upon and I think most people would do that. it's gotten to the point where I dread going home @ the end of the day and home is supposed to be a place of joy and comfort. mine is a place of sadness and frustration.

~i'm sort of unsure as to how we got to this level of hatred/dislike between us. i am/was very frustrated over the weaning situation and I think his lack of support sent me over the edge. additionally his lack of acknowledgment that the change is necessary and that I deserve to get a full night of sleep after more than 1.5 years without is beyond frustrating. It makes me feel as if I am unimportant and that my well-being is unimportant to him. we certainly haven't been helping each other to be better individuals either. he definitely helps bring out all of my bad qualities, at least lately.

~I am hoping for a bit of refuge this week with my upcoming trip to Atlanta. E and I are planning to stay the night @ my mom's tonight so we can move E's carseat over to their car and leave early on Thursday morning. We are staying Thursday night and will be back home sometime on Friday. It will be nice to be with people who really do LOVE me.

~right now O says he is working all weekend. hopefully that doesn't fall apart. lately it's ALOT easier to be a single mom than have to pick up after two 'children' in the house. i've also noticed that I am MUCH happier when it's just E and me. That speaks volumes, I know. *sigh*

~on Monday we had a semi-heated discussion about paying for E's sitter this week. he rudely asked "are YOU going to pay for it this week?" and just the way he said it was enough for me to take the measly $100 I had set aside for Myrtle Beach and say "yes, here is the effin money for the sitter". He knew where I got it from and immediately started saying I didn't need to take it out of there. I snapped back saying that maybe we won't go to the beach as obviously we can't even afford to save a penny for the trip (hotel is taken care of via dad's timeshare). I then told him to use the remaining $$ to pay 1/2 of next week's sitter cost. So goodbye $100. Oh well.

~above discussion prompted me to look @ my work hours and discover that I have enough comp hours to take a week off in June. this is primarily to save the $80 we pay for childcare for the 3 days I'm working. it will be nice to be @ home with E, especially considering that I spend the majority of my days doing very little work and a lot more blogging and emailing, which I can easily do from home.

~for someone who always benefited from my previous FAT salary he sure likes to give me sh*t over working 3 days of the week now. he also likes to point out how HE pays for childcare so I can go to work...really? so I guess I shouldn't be working at all. he must have been confused when he choose someone with a career-mind vs someone who wants to spend the day in the kitchen cooking for him. he knew all along that I don't like to cook and now the fact that I don't cook 5 nights/week is brought up every chance he gets. He should have married his mother.

~i feel slightly better now that all of that is off my chest.

SATC Love

When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun, then you grow up and learn to be cautious; you could break a bone, or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there is no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?
-Sex & The City

For the record: I'd like to be young again and in pursuit of fun.

7 degrees of Awe-summm - again.

Thank you to Moonjava for the above award.

Also, Thank you to Living & Loving in Tampa for the same award, but with the Lemonade logo.

Fidgeting Gidget bestowed this award on me a couple of weeks ago and because I am certain that there are not 7 more awesome things about me, I am going to direct you to my original post of 7 things.

random thoughts

~i never realized that there was this blogging-circle thingee about Random Tuesday Thoughts, it just so turns out that my random thoughts have coincided with Tuesdays lately....

~I'm determined to finish my book tonight "Seeing Me Naked" it's a super cute, realistic, chick-lit story. (i hope by posting the name of the book I don't get all kinds of weirdos visiting my blog) I'm also excited to move on to a new book, with a slightly deeper story.

~As I was reading last night, I came across this line in the book "I wish I could get Superman to run around the earth enough times to take me back in time so I could take it back." I cannot tell you HOW MANY TIMES I have made this same statement in my life...not just recently, although maybe more often recently. I always remember that part of the Superman movie too- you know, where he's flying around the earth to avoid Lois' car from going in the crevice formed by the earthquake & ultimately killing her. How cool would it be if there really was a Superman or at least the possibility of time going backwards...even for a moment.

~I think I'm really going to have to sink myself into the stack 'o books on my nightstand in an effort to escape the reality that is my crap-tastic life right now.

~I'm so excited to have found REALLY YUMMY Iced Chai @ the local little coffee shop here on campus. SBUX - you can keep your $4.00 Chais!

~I also had a delicious little hummus pita sandwich from the same coffee shop. Yum!

~I fell off the diet-wagon terribly this past weekend. It was a combination of depression, not caring and being @ my step-sisters house, where no one watches what they eat.

~I received an invitation to write for a website (which shall remain nameless for now). I find this bizarre as I don't consider myself a particularly good writer and I typically only write about day-to-day stuff (aka: my crap-tastic life)...no deep thought topics here really. I'm going to let that request simmer for a while. Not sure what to make of it.

~I'm sorry to be such a Debbie Downer lately. It's been a rough few weeks and my life has hit an all-time low, I just hope the pendulum starts to swing the other way and soon.

~Excited that I posted a few things on Craigslist for sale and have sold one and have someone interested on the other. Thank goodness because I am B.R.O.K.E.

~I love to bake and last week I noticed that I was able to de-stress while baking. I think I need to do some more baking this week.

~Blog stats are interesting. Now that traffic has died down since being "Blog of Note", I average about 150 hits per day. For some reason, unknown to me, I had 309 hits on May 12th. I guess everyone was interested in finding out how the 1st night of weaning had gone.

~I was going over my work hours yesterday and tracking them in a spreadsheet since I can't use my timesheet for that. See, I'm obligated to work 20 hours, but often work 22-24 but cannot get paid for the overage. Instead, I can take them as Comp Time. I was excited to find that I have enough hours to take the week of June 15th off and still have time to accrue more hours to take the week off in August to go to Myrtle Beach (if we still go). Yay for time off!!

~My new favorite word is "crap-tastic" and I have to thank Emily (private blog, can't link) for that. I love it!! It's so applicable to my life right now.

really? really?

While I can appreciate what this is saying,
I have a REALLY hard time believing it.

And I apologize now as I saw this on a blog a few weeks ago and now cannot remember on who's blog....sorry! If it was yours, let me know and I'll gladly give you credit.

beyond bored

~i don't think i've ever been so bored.

~O ended up not working this a.m. and so we have been STUCK inside these four walls with nothing to do and no money to go do anything with. so lovely.

~to get out of the house for even a moment, I made a Kroger run for a $2.19 twelve-pack of diet orange K soda. I was also going to go to a store I've been wanting to check out for some time, but once I got out in my car, I didn't feel like making the 20 minute trek so I went back home where I ended up bored again.

~hours later I made a trip to the used book store. I DO NOT NEED A SINGLE BOOK, but yet something possesses me to drive there. I had 3 books in my basket. a total of $5.50. I left them there and came home, stopping only to buy a book of stamps.

~E is currently working on a two hour nap. I think he's converting from 2 naps/day to 1.

~Oh and @ his 15 month appt last week he weighed 23lbs 13oz (39%) and is 31.75 inches tall (66%).

~back to being bored.

~I hope your Memorial Day was more exciting than mine.

back on the homefront

~E and I made it back today about 5pm. Excited? NOPE.

~Dad revealed that he really didn't want to stay 'til Monday in order to (1) avoid traffic on Memorial Day and (2) avoid the drama/chaos @ my sister's house, of which there is ALWAYS plenty. I find it entertaining actually. So all that to say, we are home.

~I had briefly hoped that just maybe some miracle would happen and the shelves that Milo jumped on and thereby caused to come out of the wall in E's room 2 weeks ago would now be re-hung. Good thing I have LOW expectations. O was apparently WAY too busy watching 4 episodes of Band of Brothers (whatever the hell that is) and getting take-out for dinner. Must be nice. I can't remember watching 4 episodes of anything in one sitting.

~Upon arrival today O notifies me that (1) there is nothing in the house to eat (his regular exaggeration) and (2) he didn't go grocery shopping. When I offer to go shopping BY MYSELF, he says "can't we all go?"....WTF? Didn't E just spend 4 hours in the car and would much rather just play outside? And wouldn't I LOVE to have 1 hour to myself? Yes and Yes. Do I get my way? No. Never. Of Course Not. So all 3 of us go to stupid wallyworld and guess what....who do you think did ALL the work? Yep, that would be me. O spent his time playing/running around the store with E (so he didn't have to ride in the cart). Well, what in the heck would have been the difference if they would have stayed home? This is one of MANY reasons why I will go insane WELL before my time.

~I currently have NO plans for tomorrow. O mentioned that he has a couple hours of work to do so I guess it's just E and I. Maybe we'll lay in bed all day...yeah cuz a 15 month old would really want to do that, right?

~And THANK YOU to all of you who voted, even those of you who voted "who cares". Looks like I'll be waiting another gazillion years for that camera.

~Happy Memorial Day!

20 Questions

Thought I'd go ahead and schedule this to post on Friday since I'll be en route to The Sticks, VA. Of course, this installment of 20 Questions was found/borrowed/swiped from Dawn's blog.

1. What are the names of the kids you used to babysit?
Jason, Jeremy & Nicholas were the kids I babysat most. There were others, but clearly not very often as I do not remember their names.

2. Do you prefer hot sandwiches or cold sandwiches?
I like both. It depends on mood, restaurant and time of year.

3. What was the highlight of your week?
good question. probably right this moment. en route for VA.

4. What color shirt are you wearing?
since I'm scheduling this, I'm not sure what color shirt I'm wearing because I don't have my wardrobe planned 2 days in advance. right now though, I am wearing an orange pj shirt.

5. What was your favorite subject in school?
photography

6. What do you like about Mondays?
when it's 5pm.

7. What are three of the most beautiful things you have ever seen?
ethan. nyc. grand canyon. san francisco. palm trees.

8. What are three things you do not like?
liars. selfishness. liars.

9. 5 things you take with you when you leave the house.
ethan (he's not a thing though huh?). keys. purse. diaperbag. cell phone. ipod.

10. What's the next important date on your calendar?
may 28. depart for 2 days in atlanta with E, mom and her husband. fun!

11. Are you moody in the morning?
sometimes. especially if someone pissed me off the night before.

12. When was the last time you were at a baseball game? And how many major league ball parks have you been in?
it's been a while since I was at a game. june 2007 @ Turner Field when they had inter-league play. the Detroit Tigers played the Atlanta Braves. I've been in 7 parks -Comerica Park (Tigers), Turner Field (Braves), McAfee Coliseum (A's), Ameriquest Field (Rangers), Wrigley Field (Cubs), Comiskey Park (White Sox), & Chase Field (Diamondbacks). One of my 'things to do before I die" is to see a game in EVERY MLB park!!
Disclaimer: some of those park names may even have changed by now. I can't keep up with who has money to 'sponsor' the park *this* year. So annoying. I miss my plain 'ol DETROIT TIGER STADIUM!!!

13. Fireworks: take them or leave them?
I'm fine either way. I used to love them, you know, when I was young and it was something to go see with my boyfriend.

14. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?
oh crap. it's time to get up already.

15. Last thing you purchased?
a song from iTunes "Pocketful of Sunshine" by Natasha Bedingfield. "take me away, to better days, take me away, a hiding place, take me away, a secret place, a sweet escape, take me away" pretty appropriate lyrics for my life right now.

16. What is irritating you now?
wow. this one would take me WAY too long to answer so I'm just not going to bother.

17. What is the last magazine you read?
bits & pieces of Glamour and Creating Keepsakes, but it has been EONS since I've sat down and read a magazine cover to cover.

18. What is the latest you've stayed up in the past week?
haha. does getting up repeatedly count. if so, then the answer is 3:30am.

19. Which TV shows have you seen pretty much every episode of?
Grey's Anatomy. ER. Friends.

20. Do you feel guilty easily?
depends on the situation, but yes, typically probably pretty easily.

thursday

~it will be a busy day for E and I today.

~we are off to play at 12noon with his girlfriend.

~@ 3:30pm we have his 15 month check up, which includes shots. ouch!

~my dad should be arriving as we return from E's appt. he will spend the night here so we can leave early in the morning. he lives 1 hour from us.

~i'll have to do some packing and get things ready for our departure for VA.

~@ 7:30pm I will be enjoying immensely being out of the house getting my pedicure with the Mom's Night Out group. O will hopefully manage to get E to sleep w/o me and I think I'll take my time getting home just out of spite. because I'm mean that way.

~I'm so mean in fact, that I'm contemplating staying in VA until Monday and just may not tell O until we are already there. I think I deserve the extra day away from him. Yes indeed I do.

my 1st poll

~i just added a poll. look to your right-->

~i can't stop thinking about that camera.

~here's your chance to give your input w/o your name attached.

~i'd love to know what you think.

~you have 'til Friday to vote.

~Thank you!

random thoughts

~i spoke too soon. i now have 2 student appointments today. well at least the day will pass quicker (hopefully)

~E and I were back to co-sleeping last night. the best part was going to bed at 9:00ish, I slept well and it was nice and quiet with no crying. my plan for now is to try to get E off the juice but it will be challenging considering that it's right there in his face. He woke 3x last night and I was only successful one time in getting him back to sleep w/o b**by.

~i left the house w/o breakfast today, which meant I HAD to go to ChickFila. While normally this would be very exciting for me. I really DIDN'T want/need to spend the money (or the calories) and I was so frustrated with myself for forgetting my regular yogurt & WW Blueberry Muffin.

~i never do anything after work it seems. i dread going home and then it's even worse that I have nothing to do. i miss playing softball, but if i try to start back up now, that means O has to either stay home with E or come with and bring E. i don't want to ask him for anything. i am disconnecting more and more everyday. this whole weaning situation was sort of the straw that broke the camel's back (at least in my eyes). i think i'll do my 2.5 mile walk with E tonight just to get out of the house. i'm totally NOT motivated to do it, but it's better than being bored @ home I suppose. and i need to lose weight.

~on Thursday E and I are finally going to play @ his girlfriend's house. from there we go to E's 15 month check up. shots too -boo!! then i get my pedicure that night...hooray for that.

~Friday morning, my dad, E and I are headed to VA. the sooner the better. looking SO forward to getting away. the best part, my step-sisters house does not get cell service very well. guess who I won't have to talk to? Yay. a complete break. desperately needed.

~yesterday in the mail i received 139 pages from my lawyer which came from the defendant. it was an interesting read and not to my surprise, I found a nice little white lie in there. i'm really running out of patience with these a-holes. wish this thing would just settle.

~and i'm still contemplating just going out and buying that Canon SLR I want, or the Bose Speaker, or the Flip Video Recorder....sometimes I wish I wasn't so freakin' practical.

~and Thank You to Novelista Barista for the Funky Blog award.

seeking optimism

~still furious over here, but i'm making an effort to seek out some positive things, let's see....

~I cannot wait until THIS MOVIE comes out. I loved My Big Fat Greek Wedding and this one looks like it will be just as good. Yes, I'm a sucker for chick-flicks anyway.

~I've always loved baking and lately haven't had much chance to do it, but I managed to bake a batch of Andes Mint Chip Cookies yesterday. I discovered that baking helps reduce my stress...or maybe it was that O was out of the house at the time. yep, it was probably the latter.

~I will actually be baking again on Tuesday night. I am making, from scratch, Raisin Carrot Bars...similar to carrot cake, but better. On Wednesday, my office is having a retreat and they are holding a Bake Off. I think it's a great recipe, but I probably won't win since there is no chocolate and the majority of my office is women. Probably should have made the Creme de Menthe Brownies instead, they always go over well. I could even put some extra Creme de Menthe in them and try to get everyone drunk. kidding.

~I currently have no student appointments scheduled for this week. That makes for boring days sitting at my desk surfing the web all day. It would be easier to endure if I had money and could shop on-line all day. yeah that would be alot better.

~the MIL called O Sunday afternoon. her word clearly holds WAY more weight than mine because he told me that she said everything that I had already told him, basically confirming that we have to continue with this sleep training/weaning stuff or suffer worse consequences later on as E gets older. Duh!! Well, on the downside their talk did not help with O's reactions/behavior last night. At this point, I cannot tolerate the combined stress of both O and E and as of this moment I am pulling the plug on the weaning process. Don't bother trying to talk me out of it. (You aren't in the house and don't have to deal with all the F-bombs that were thrown my way last night.) I don't trust that O won't sabotage my efforts again and I'm not putting E through all of this for nothing or only to have to completely re-start again due to constant regressions. I will only re-start this process if/when O is out of the house for an extended period of time. I have no idea when that will happen, but let's all say a prayer that it's sooner rather than later. His intolerance to the crying is the WHOLE freakin' reason I waited 'til he was going to leave for bootcamp to do this, then he goes and effs up all of that and I'm stuck with him in the house.

~Back to brighter topics, I've been working on a cute little mini-album of E (of course). Initially I didn't have a 'plan' for the album, but I've now turned it into just pics from April 2009, which includes his 2 Easter egg hunts.

~I'm so anxious to finish my Masters degree. Switching to School Counseling was exactly what I needed to do. It has re-energized and motivated me. I'm excited to get through this and get a real job (again). I think when I finish the Masters, I'll go ahead and do the Ed Spec as well. The more education the better. I recently met one of my neighbors and her school gave her a $10k increase in pay for getting the Ed Spec. Oh yeah!!! Now there's motivation! And when I told her I speak fluent Spanish, she said "oh you will get hired without a problem" so that was encouraging. Too bad I still have 570 days to go until I complete my Masters. Ugh!!!

~yesterday I went to the used book store (i LOVE going there) and I got 9 books for E for only $16.61!! I think that's awesome. If he destroys them eventually, who cares!!! They all look brand new too!!

~very thankful that I have two mini-trips coming up that will get me out of a very mundane routine as well as far, far away from O.

~oh yeah and on Thursday night I'm getting a pedicure as part of the Mom's Night Out activity. Hooray! And let me just say that I'm in desperate need of a pedicure.

state of severe distress!!!!!!!!!!!

~that's how i'm feeling right now.

~E cried for nearly 2 hours tonight. At that point O said "aren't you supposed to go in there and soothe him?". Since I'm sick and tired of the stress that O is inflicting upon me and i'm tired of fighting this battle, I went in there and rubbed E's back 'til he fell asleep. It was 10:45pm.

~i'm so distressed over this whole situation, but the part that has me most upset is O and his stupid a$$ reactions and inability to deal with this. he cannot see the big picture. Last Wed i was finally seeing progress in this whole thing and we would have likely been done with this by Friday or Saturday night. Now, who knows what will happen.

~i finally broke down as I was rubbing E's back. definitely not the best place for that to happen but thankfully my tears and sniffling didn't keep him awake.

~to make matters worse, E and I are going to VA this Friday through Sunday and I'm certain the change in location will totally screw with his sleeping arrangements. We'll probably have a couple more crying nights upon our return and that will most certainly not be fun. THEN, the following week is when mom, her husband, E and I are supposed to go to Atlanta - again I anticipate the same issue.

~i'm to the point where i'm wondering what i did that was so awful in life that all these negative things are happening to me.

~i feel like my world is caving in around me. i really feel like there is not a single thing going my way right now. everywhere I turn there is stress. it seems like the entire world is against me. i know this isn't true, but it's how i feel. and then i get caught up in my regrets. past decisions i've made that i am completely regretting now, especially since said decisions were made based on false information provided to me @ the time. yes, that is vague on purpose.

~i've said this before, but i constantly go back to it because I often doubt the accuracy of the statement: they say God only gives you what you can handle. well if that's the case, i'm feeling like i'm at my threshold if not WAY past it. i cannot take anymore. something has got to give.

~going to try to sleep now. not feeling too optimistic about that though.

the one where i want to pull my hair out

~back to weaning discussion...

~last night O sabotaged all my hard work of the past week by removing E from his crib after less than 5 minutes of crying. they slept on the floor of E's room together. I was beyond pissed.

~tonight we are back to our regularly scheduled weaning program, however it appears that significant regression took place as a result of last night's activity. thank you O.

~E has been in his crib for 2 hours and 20 minutes now and is still standing up and crying off and on. I know if he would just lay down that he would konk right out. he has to be exhausted.

~today I had to resort to calling my MIL to vent about O and passively enlist her help. she said that i'm doing everything right and that O should get some earplugs or something. she emphasized how we both need to be on the same page in things like this or nothing will ever work i.e. discipline as E ages. I agree. she said she would talk to O. I had hoped she was going to call him tonight, but it doesn't appear as though that has happened.

~now tonight O keeps threatening to take E out of his crib (again) and it infuriates me to no end. there is nothing i can do if he decides to do this. certainly i cannot stop him physically. i basically dropped the f-bomb on him and told him to do whatever he wants, because he will anyway. i hate feeling so helpless. O always seems to get his way. I never seem to get mine. why can't he look @ the bigger picture here?

~why can all my friends' husbands work through this process with their wives and i end up with the effin reject. please don't go all hateful on me for bashing my husband. this is only one of 1254875089275487534 crappy things he has done in our short long two years of marriage. yeah, that's probably more information than you needed to know. oh well.

~can't stop wishing he was gone to bootcamp.

awards, awards, awards

~well it seems that Blog Awards are 'all the rage' right now. they are everywhere, so with that I want to thank Bored Housewife, Senorita Andaluciana , Renee and Mrs. C for giving me the Lovely Blog Award.

Rules:

1) Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link.

2) Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

Okay, first of all, 15 is WAY TOO MANY blogs to tag and frankly, I'm in a pissy mood today so I'm definitely not going to follow the rules. It's my way or the highway today.

Here's a few who I really think deserve this award:

Dawn at Thoughts From Along the Broken Road: I mean, just LOOK @ her rockin' blog. How can she NOT deserve this award. Also, she has been unbelievably supportive to me via Twitter through this crazy weaning process.

Tales of Li'l Foot: because she helped me with an Excel issue the other day, she is LOVELY!!

What I Should Have Said : because she works in Education and her blog is hilarious!

friday randomness

~so i thought we'd take a break from the weaning talk, although last night was fairly similar to Wednesday night.

~no plans for the weekend which makes me pretty blue. i feel like i have nothing to look forward to.

~my excitement may be in wandering through my neighborhood garage sale Saturday morning. i live such an exciting life, I know.

~today E and I are hoping to be able to play with his girlfriend, but they are not sure of their schedule quite yet. i hope it works out as we haven't had a playdate in a couple weeks now.

~I stayed up to watch the Grey's finale last night. WOW is all I have to say.

~yesterday while traveling with my mom we had this somewhat morbid talk. she brought it up. basically what she would do/want to do if her husband were to pass away before her. it was interesting to say the least. not sure where the topic came from though as he is in rather good health. i guess they discuss the topic between the two of them often. whatever.

~i'm pretty bummed out that I have nothing fun or remotely exciting planned for the weekend.

~hope you have a much more exciting weekend than me, it shouldn't be hard to do.

Weaning: Episode 4

~minimal progress again last night. less crying, but still not much sleep. thankfully today a friend told me that it took them about a week, so YAY for *someone* who took more than the mysterious 3 days.

~apparently E is the most stubborn child ever and only lays down in the crib when I am in the room, as soon as I leave he is standing up and remains standing up in the corner of the crib where he rests his head and then FALLS ASLEEP - STANDING UP!! That cannot be comfortable!

~He woke @ 1:30am and don't go all crazy on me now, I took him out of the crib and we went to bed. I really struggled with a lot of guilty feelings yesterday about the whole process and well, it got the best of me I guess. On the flip side, we both slept great until about 8am!!! We will be back to our regularly scheduled program tonight...I just wish he would lay down. The fact that he stays standing up the whole time really stresses me out, even though he does seem to doze off while standing.

~To make matters even more stressful (cuz I'm lucky like that) O will be home tonight. He doesn't want to stay @ my mom's tonight since her husband returned from his business trip...ugh, whatever. I told him he needs to get some earplugs and lock himself inside our bedroom with the TV on so he doesn't hear E crying. Thankfully the crying has reduced and seems to only last about 15-20 minutes. O just better not wig out on me because I have reached the top of my stress meter over the past two weeks.

~I'm also currently annoyed to no end with O because he has been napping for almost 3 hours now. He got up only 1 hour earlier for work today so I'm not buying that as an excuse. Heck he even got home from work early. Last time I checked, I was getting ALOT less sleep than him. How awesome is he?!?! NOT!! He is making it really hard for me to not wish he would have left for that stupid bootcamp.

~I think he's well on his way to earning the "shittiest husband of the year" award. Or at the very least the "most selfish person of the year" award.

~On the brighter side of my life, mom, E and I took a trip to the outlet mall early this afternoon where she bought some super cute Summer clothes for E. We had a really nice lunch out there too. I didn't want to come home.

~Thank you to those who have left me blog awards. I will try to get to them no later than Monday. Thanks for thinking of me!!

Weaning: Episode 3

~OK, we are through the 'infamous' 3rd night and there were no miracles my friends. All those people who told me "just get thru 3 days and you'll be fine" are now on my sh-t list...just kidding, but still.

~Mom came over to provide a support system for me. Thank goodness too because I just may have caved last night if she wasn't there. He was SOOOO tired when I got home from work and ended up taking a super late nap - I tried to prevent it, but failed...he woke around 7pm and so clearly there was no way he was going to bed around 8:30pm.

~Finally @ 9:30pm I put him in the crib and the crying saga began. I started @ 8 minute intervals, increased to 15 repeatedly rubbing his back to encourage him to fall asleep. I finally gave up the back rubbing because it was SO not working and I decided to let him cry 'til 11pm and then try to rub his back again to get him to sleep hoping he would be worn out by then. That's what ended up happening. And oh-so-lucky me...he woke up only 1.5 hrs later @ 12:30am.

~After checking on him @ 12:30am, I decided to just let him go for 30 or more minutes at a time. He HAS to tire himself out @ some point, right? Well, I apparently have the world's MOST stubborn child...he lasted until 3:30am and remained STANDING UP in his crib the majority of the time. In fact, he even fell asleep standing up while leaning on the crib...nice huh?

~Since a little humor is always helpful in this sort of situation. Mom and I were watching him on the monitor and he was kneeling in the crib, holding on to the railings and was clearly nodding off but furiously fighting it. He looked like a bobble-head doll. We could only see the back of him, but it was freakin' hilarious. I felt bad for him @ the same time though. :(

~After falling asleep @ 3:30am, he woke @ 5:30am!!! WTH? So he slept a grand total of 3.5 hours last night, just like me. Awesome!! I took him out of the crib @ 5:30am and we laid on the couch together until 6:30am when I had to get ready for work. He pretty much slept that hour too...so wow 4.5 hrs total. He will probably be TONS of fun today for the sitter. I wish I was with him instead.

~So, yes I really wanted to cave and just take him back to my bed. Even more so because my left boob feels like it is going to explode resulting in a breastmilk shower for anyone standing within 10 feet of me. I have 'expressed' some to relieve some of the pain/pressure, but it seems to be filling back up pretty darn quickly. Thankfully, the right boob is playing along nicely and cooperating with my plan.

~My plan for tonight is to put him in the crib @ 9pm, or earlier if he appears tired and just leave him alone with larger time intervals....say 45-60 minutes. Last night, after about 45 minutes alone, he finally started to poop out...so even though it feels awful, I think I'll let him go and hopefully he'll give up sooner and just freakin' fall asleep. Whenever I would go in and check on him, it only seemed to upset him more when I would leave, whereas leaving him along for longer periods of time gave him the opportunity to calm himself more (yay). It was so frustrating watching him on the monitor just stand at the crib railing when if he just would have laid down, he would have zonked out in 5 seconds flat. He was (is) sooooo tired.

~As for progress, there was definitely less crying last night, even though there was MUCH less sleeping.

~And as for my feelings, well, I'm thinking E and I just need to hop the next plane to Europe where its completely 'normal' and accepted to nurse your child until they are 3-4-5 years old. Clearly I don't want to nurse that long, but this process totally sucks and I need results dammit. I'm feeling very sad and my sadness increases as bedtime nears, I also feel like it will never work and that he may never get the hang of this sleeping thing, I mean if he only knew how AWESOME sleep is. I don't know if I can do this for another 4-5 nights. When did I become such a mush? Oh yeah, the day E was born probably.

~It will be increasingly difficult if O comes back and sleeps @ the house too. Just thinking about that stresses me out. My mom's husband comes home from out-of-town tomorrow and O will likely not want to stay there at that point, even though he still could, he may feel uncomfortable. He's weird like that.

~So I'm feeling a little (alot) blue today. I hate this process. All I want to do is pick E up and cuddle him. I'm tired of hearing how others have had quick success with this process. I'm feeling like a bad mom and a failure. What am I doing wrong? I mean, it's not that complicated so really what's going on? I've followed the 'rules' (or whatever you want to call them) to a "t"...so I guess I have a slow learner on my hands, at least with regards to sleep...

~I did get a bunch of hugs and kisses before I left for work, so that was awesome.

why weaning is such a challenge

I thought I'd post a pic of E and I on Mother's Day!! I've started my own tradition of taking a pic of us together on Mother's Day. I'm going to have to look in my archives for last years picture. (oh, great idea for a scrapbooking layout)

I don't comb his hair so nerdy funky like that. He was playing before we took this picture. I know it looks kind of hilarious funny.

So now you can see why letting him cry and cry and cry is SO NOT easy.

A couple shout-outs:
~Señorita Andalucíana - I love your blog but the COMMENTS function DOES NOT WORK. I have tried to leave you comments repeatedly. Boo! :(

~Bored Housewife - you rock. I *so* appreciate your comments. I wish you had a blog! If you do...it's not linked to your log-in name here @ Blogger.

~Thank you to all for your supportive and uplifting comments during this weaning process. I really do appreciate each and EVERY one of them.

Weaning: Episode 2

~it was a rough one last night.

~initially it looked like things were improving, he fell asleep in 20 minutes

~then woke up 40 minutes later

~finally back to sleep until 2:15am (again!)

~we were up for about an hour and then he fell asleep until 4:30am

~at that point, I caved, took him to bed with me and we both zonked out for 2 awesome hours of solid sleep. I was freakin' exhausted and couldn't stay up anymore trying to comfort him in his crib.

~i'm doing this alone. husband is a big wimp and is sleeping @ my mom's house to avoid the crying. this type of behavior should be disclosed prior to marriage if you ask me. he is getting out of ALL of the difficult parts of parenting...digress...another story for another day.

~i don't think we are going to have the results everyone tells me they got after 3 days. we seem to be on a (much) slower road.

~i'm going to focus more on weaning him from nursing as opposed to getting him to fall asleep on his own. he will sleep in his crib but I am having to rub his back or head to get him to finally nod off.

~still feeling somewhat zombie-like.

Weaning: Episode 1

~i'm (barely) functioning after getting only 3 hours of sleep, if that's any indication as to how the weaning process went last night.

~it took 90 minutes for E to finally fall asleep.

~about 30 minutes in, he was chucking things out of his crib. that at least provided me with some much needed comic relief.

~about 40 minutes in he threw up, purely from crying and being upset. poor guy. that made me feel like complete crap.

~he slept from 10pm-2:15am. I slept from 12am-2:15am.

~I don't feel like there was much progress in the sleeping as he has been waking up promptly @ 2am in my bed for eons. I'm trying to be patient though, it was only the first night.

~he didn't fall back asleep until 4:30am. it took TWO hours to get him back to sleep...definitely no progress there. He slept 'til 6am and got him out of the crib. he is normally up at 6:30am on my workdays anyway. it will be interesting to see how much he sleeps today. i warned the babysitter than his schedule will probably be all over the place today.

~last night in an email, a friend told me that the Almanac signs are good for weaning right now, whether it's boob, bottle, pacifier etc. While I found that absolutely hysterical and almost fell out of my chair, I did try to find some comfort in it as well. Let's hope that Almanac signs are even better today.

~i hope tonight is better.

~if not, i'm going to be zombie-like come Wednesday.

Happy Mother's Day

~25 calm & relaxing songs downloaded and ready to play.

~O will spend the night @ my mom's house.

~a quiet house.

~a little lavender aromatherapy room spray (for E and I) thrown in for good measure.

~tonight the weaning begins.

~wish me luck. i WILL need it.

~and please pray that E catches on quickly so this process is as short & painless as possible.

~I didn't realize that we would begin on Mother's Day. I guess it's my gift to myself, reclaiming my boobs. Yay me.

~Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there.

Wanted: one good pep talk

~please tell me that E is only 'torturing' my cats because he is a toddler and that he WILL grow out of it. Poor Milo & Hula may be bald by the time E is 2 years old.

~please tell me that indeed my substance abuse professor is a turd for giving me 75% on that stupid video I had to make. I hated that class and now that I changed to the School Counseling Program, I didn't even need to take it. Figures!

~please give me tips on how to endure the rest of the weekend stuck in this house with a husband that I am totally annoyed with.

~please tell me it's OK that I can only afford only got my mom a card for Mother's Day this year while my disgustingly-rich step-sister sent MY mom a really nice expensive gift basket full o'goodies. (and my mom has only been married to her husband for 3 yrs, it's not like she raised my step-sister). I realize it's a very nice gesture, but it makes me feel like complete shit. Did I mention we are the same age too? Yep, it's great being made to feel like a big failure in life!!

~please don't tell me things like "it will get better" or "everything happens for a reason", instead empathize with me and just say you understand that things suck right now.

~please tell me that I deserve better, because I really think I do, even though lately that is getting harder and harder to believe. It really seems that *someone* has it out for me.

7 Degrees of Awe-summm

The fantastic & lovely Fidgeting Gidget tagged me as a fellow Queen of All Things Awe-summm. I love that it's AWE-SUMMM, not just "awesome" :)

The rules: List seven things that make me awe-summm and then pass the award on to seven other people who I think are fabulously awe-summm.

1: Fifteen months ago TODAY I gave birth to the cutest boy EVER! Here's proof -->

2: I speak fluent Spanish and learned it in one year while living as a volunteer in an orphanage in rural Mexico.

3: I was MVP of my softball team my Senior year of high school and continued to play until 3 years ago. I hope I get back to it too cuz I really miss playing.

4: I'm from Michigan. Go Wings!!

5: I have seen The Phantom of the Opera (the musical, NOT the movie!) 3 times and in 3 different cities; Toronto, Detroit & Tucson. Loved it EVERY time!

6: I've lived in every time zone (ETA: in the Continental US) except for the Pacific. Maybe I should move to CA to knock them all out?!?!

7: I have traveled alone to NYC two times and would go again tomorrow if I could.

Other totally awe-summmmmmm bloggers I know are:
1) Katie @ A Look Behind My Eyes
2) Rachel @ If Its a Hero You Want, I Can Save You
3) Sizzle @ Sizzle Says
4) April @ Thoughts In My Tumultous Brain
5) Moonjava @ Moonjava's Muse
6) Chele @ On the tip of my fingers
7) Cathy @ The Slop Chest - maybe she'll start blogging again!

I just randomly picked 7, but you're all pretty awe-summmmm. :)

therapy: session 1

~you should have known I couldn't stay away long, after all, blogging IS therapy right? And at this point, I need a truckload of therapy...so consider this my first session...

~so since this is my blog and you all said you don't care about the venting here goes...it's long so grab a chair and a bag of chips....

~i'm going to vent a lot about my husband and for those of you who either (1) don't know much of the history or (2) think I shouldn't throw my husband under the bus...I suggest you stop reading now and move on to the next blog in your reader. You've been warned and I don't need the nasty comments, really I don't. I have enough crap to deal with right now. thankyouverymuch.

~yesterday the Guard called and told O he is now cleared (medically) to go to bootcamp and could leave within a week.

~O's response was that he is sick and tired of everything and no longer had the 'drive' to go. wtf? being in the military has been something he has wanted to do FOREVER and to GIVE UP, QUIT, THROW IT AWAY at this point is absolutely *&^%$ ridiculous. I cannot believe he is making this choice. I really think that I am in shock about it. I'm nearly sick to my stomach.

~I have so many emotions bottled up right now. It is all I can do keep from telling him off - IN A BIG WAY.

~We were really counting on that bonus money to build a savings account, pay off bills and then go to WDW next year. I'm beyond PISSED!!!

~Instead, he will go back to his regular (crappy paying) job on Monday. The company SOLD the truck he was using and right now O is not sure whether he'll be getting a new one or ANYTHING at all. He has NO money to go out and buy a car right now. We have one vehicle, which is MINE and that I need to use. Things just continue to go from bad to worse. They better freakin' give him a truck or I may blow up. I'm not too keen on getting up even earlier than I already do in order to drop him off at work everyday.

~In an effort to keep me calm, O mentioned that he will start saving every month so that we can still go to WDW next year because he knows how badly I want to go. Well, let's do the math....I want to go for 1 week, so let's say 6 nights @ $150 per night (I'm not staying in a dump and I want to stay on Disney property) that comes to $900. Probably average $100 for food per day. Now we are at $1500. I already have a 3 day ticket for O, E would get in free and I think I have 1-2 days left on an old ticket for myself, so we'd need to buy more tickets...approximate cost $500. That brings us to $2000. Honestly, I think this is a very LOW estimate. I think we would drive down, it's about 11-12 hours. I have no idea how much gas that would take but let's say $300 round trip and including food on the road. $2300. We haven't even looked @ Souvenirs or special engagements i.e. Safari, Water Parks, Sea World etc. Let's just round up to $3000 to be safe. That means setting aside $250 each month for the next 12 months. Yeah, that is so NOT going to happen. He's lucky if he has $25 extra each week from his crap-a$$ paycheck.

~By the way, O likes to talk out of his a$$ - at least that is what I'm going to call it and the above scenario is a perfect example. Recently he told me there was a guy who had 5 houses that needed driveways poured. He was going to make $1k each. Stupid me got all excited and guess what - it all fell through-at least for now. I could go on and on with examples, but honestly, all it will do is piss me off. The bottom line is O counts his chickens before they are hatched (AKA empty promises) and I have FINALLY learned to not believe anything before I see it, which is a really shitty way to live, but frankly, I'm sick and tired of being let down.

~I think in an effort to not feel like such a loser O went and rented a carpet shampooer today and did all the carpeted areas in the house as well as the kitchen chairs and both couches. Am I excited? Not really. Normally I would be, but I could give a shit right now. Big effin' deal. I asked him to do this before he left so if he had gone to bootcamp, it wouldn't have gotten done @ all. Whatever!! It's going to take a lot more than that to turn this frown upside down.

~So now we'll just go back to living paycheck to paycheck, which apparently for him is easy to do-he grew up poor, so it's an easier adjustment (that's my logic anyway). I grew up middle class but I also married late in life and held professional jobs with nice salaries to provide a comfortable life for myself. I am not used to living paycheck to paycheck and I effin hate it. This is not what I went to school for nor what I had planned for my life. I had better expectations for myself and my life. Back to the empty promises and no follow through - in the past O told me many times I would be able to stay home when we had kids. Yeah - another seeing is believing because if I didn't have the job I have now, there is no way we would be making our housepayments.

~As for looking for a better paying job. In the past his excuse has always been that he would be leaving for bootcamp and who would hire him knowing that he'd be gone for 5 months. Should be interesting to see what he might use as an excuse now, although I don't think he'll even bother looking for a new job.

~Just for good measure, here is another great example of talking shit..for as long as I can remember, O has said he wants to start his own business. He needs to get his Contractors license first. I have printed everything off the internet that he would need to start the process...do you think he has taken even one step towards obtaining the actual thing? Of course not. Today he says to me "what do you think if I get a loan from the bank and get my Contractors License?" It was difficult, but I tried not to bust a gut laughing. Actually instead of giving my opinion, I told him he would have to go to the bank and find out. He won't do it anyway, so why waste my breath? The original plan was to use some of his bonus money to get the license. I think acquiring more debt is a much better idea...um, no!

~So there you go folks. A few scenarios to show you why I'm @ my wit's end and why O's latest crappy decision is the straw that broke the camel's back for me. Too bad I'm not in a better situation right now to make a major change. And in case you couldn't figure it out, I could have really used a 5 month break from him.

~Oh and the little bit of retail therapy that I indulged in today DID NOT HELP me feel better AT ALL. I think I should just go out and buy that damn Canon 12mp Digital SLR. I'm sure that would make me feel ALOT better! Ha!

nothing to say

I was always told "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all" and so, I am going to leave things like that today because I really DO NOT have anything nice to say and I'm certain you are getting sick of reading my complaining posts.

Back soon (hopefully)....

Cha-Cha-Changes

I don't like change anymore than the next person, but recently change has been forcibly shoved down my throat...

~ATL trip for this week cancelled. Thank you Mother Nature and your crappy friend Rain!

~our trip to VA has been postponed one week.

~O not going to bootcamp.

~I've taken down my Disney countdown widget because O not going to bootcamp=NO 5k bonus=no trip to Disney. That's Effin' Wonderful!!!

~probably not hosting playgroup this week @ our neighborhood playground due to that lovely Mother Nature and her crappy friend Rain again.

~I'm a planner!!! I don't plan ahead only for things to change @ the last minute. So frustrating. This doesn't help my already crappy mood for the week either!

kreative blogger award

Thank you to In Full Bloom-Pink Lotus for the Kreative Blogger award. I don't know that I truly deserve it as I'm not all that creative in my blogging, it's really just a bunch of stories about things that happen in my life. Anyway, thank you!!

The rules are you have to list your 7 favorite things (I wonder what my fave things are?!) and you have to pass this award to another 7 beautiful people.

So, my 7 favorite things (right now) are:

1) The Beach....preferably a nice hotel located ON the beach so I can sit @ the pool and enjoy the ocean air.

2) Sleeping. This has not always been a favorite thing of mine, I actually really (used to) like to stay up late. Now that I am so grossly deprived of sleep, well it has become a favorite.

3) Going places with E. Even a trip to the grocery store is fun with him.

4) Looking at all of my old photos, from my childhood and high school days. Good Times.

5) Internet of course. Without it I would have no blog and no blogging friends.

6) Books. I really enjoy reading, just don't have much time for it these days.

7) My iTouch...for many, many reasons.

I'm going to cheat and not tag 7 people, but if you want to do this, go for it and leave me a comment so I can check out your list of favorite things.

no go

~it's pretty much looking like O won't be going anywhere.

~to say he is angry would be an understatement.

~some of the 'higher ups' encouraged him to lie about an injury

~finally a BETTER 'higher up' said to be truthful

~telling the truth pissed off the other 'higher ups'

~we will be filing charges against at least 1 of the 'higher ups' because they basically neglected O's need for medical attention

~probably won't be any financial reward from it, but if it screws over the guys who did O wrong, that is satisfaction enough.

~while it's not set in stone quite yet, the chances of him going to bootcamp are very slim.

~he is waiting to get a medical discharge

~hopefully it doesn't take forever. he really doesn't want to go to drill next month.

~unfortunately for me, his new distaste for the military has not prevented him from watching that stupid Military Channel.

~as for weaning E. just thinking about it stresses me out. O may have to go stay in a hotel if he can't toughen up and listen to a few nights of crying. I don't like it either, but it needs to be done.

and the winner is....

Congratulations Susan D!!!!!!! Random.org picked #5.

Email me your addy remembermoments0823 (AT) gmail (DOT) com and I'll have your goodies on their way to you.
**********************************************************

And now back to our regular complaining blogging...

Let me first start by telling you why Sunday Sucked Big Time and looks like the entire week is headed that way too...

*attempted to go get a spray tan in morning. it was raining. upon arrival i was advised not to do the spray tan when raining or i'd end up with a nice polka dot appearance. ok. i'll pass on the polka dots. i left pouting. boo.

*got stuck by super duper slow train en route to Target to make a return. (i have 'issues' with trains, so this drives me absolutely nuts)

*arrive at Target. greeted by super duper LONG line to make return. sweet!

*got stuck by ANOTHER train en route back home from Target. Do you see a pattern here?

*O in crap mood all day, likely due to stress/anxiety of impending departure for 19 weeks of hellish bootcamp - BUT he signed up for it. little did we know what monday would hold in store for us...keep reading.

*made 2nd attempt to get spray tan when rain subsided. by the time I got there, it was raining again. awesome!

*the highlight of my day: the rain stopped long enough for me to get in my 45 minute walk thru the neighborhood.

Now, let's proceed to Monday, and from the looks of things, I'm in for a VERY crap week...

*O was SUPPOSED to leave for bootcamp Monday. keywords: "supposed to" Nope, it didn't happen and as I type this, things are up in the air as to whether he'll go at all.

*He was contacted ever so promptly (sarcasm) at 8am yesterday morning and informed of a potential obstacle for his departure. excessive amounts of stress, frustration, anger & anxiety (heck, pick an adjective) ensued for both of us. This 'potential obstacle' should have been detected EONS ago and frankly, this is just par for the course with this whole outfit. Things have been as smooth as a Michigan highway and I don't think it's just the Army Nat'l Guard, it's this particular branch/group of recruiters. For being DESPERATELY in need of soldiers, they sure are making the whole process quite complicated for O and NONE of it is his fault. If he doesn't go, we lose 10k in bonuses as well as the $400+ he forked out for knee surgery last year that the Guard should have paid for.

*O is handling this like a big baby champ. He didn't eat all day Monday. He then came home from turning in his work truck, credit card & keys and went to bed where he remained for a couple hours. Pouting? Somewhat. Frustrated? Definitely. Pissy? Certainly! Guess who is on the receiving end of all of his frustration? Lucky me!

*Silly me when he said he'd be home a few more nights (at least)...I thought "oh now we can get a couple more things done around the house before O leaves" Could.Not.Have.Been.More.Wrong. I wish I had money to hire a handyman, because I would SO do that. OK- that's another story.

*And to top things off, when I arrived @ home from work Monday, my sitter said she wasn't sure if she had a ride to get here on Tuesday. awesome. she lives about 25 minutes away so it's not like I can just run over & get her. she eventually found a ride for the morning, but either O or I will have to drive her home, which sucks if you ask me. it's her job, so shouldn't she be responsible for getting to & fro? i think so, but maybe i'm wrong. this may continue for a while as her son usually drops her off but has been sent to a job in the same town where they live so he won't can't drop her off. great timing.

*here's hoping this week improves SIGNIFICANTLY.

Giveaway: The Premiere

The 1st ever giveaway here @ Someday I'll Get There....more will certainly follow.

The winner will receive:

*7 handmade cards, (pictured here) created by none other than moi. (thank you to all who suggested this as a giveaway item)

Card #1 "happy birthday"
Card #2 "miss you"
Card #3 "i couldn't do it without you"

Card #4 -a bunch of love 'stuff'
Card #5 "you are the best
Card #6 "kiss me quick
Card #7 "loves me, loves me not...."

*1 store-bought (gasp!) eco-friendly journal (pictured here). *Sorry for the crap pictures, I did the best I could with the resources available to me i.e. I STILL don't have than darn Canon SLR. I promise the cards look MUCH better IRL than in these pictures.

And now for the fine print...

How to gain entries?

1st Entry: Leave me a comment telling me what you are most looking forward to this Summer.

2nd Entry: Subscribe or follow my blog and leave me a comment that you have subscribed/followed.

3rd Entry: Twitter about my giveaway w/link to this post, then leave me a comment with a link to your Twitter message.

4th Entry: Post about my giveaway on your blog, and leave me ANOTHER comment with a link to that post.

THE RULES:
*Winner will be are chosen by random.org, so make sure you leave individual comments, not all of them in one, otherwise all that posting & Tweeting you did was for nothing & you'll only have 1 entry.

*Make sure I am able to reach you, by either enabling your email through blogger, or leaving your email in the comment.

*I will announce the winner on Tuesday, May 5th.

Coming Soon: A Giveaway

Come back on Monday for your chance to win an exciting giveaway...or maybe not so exciting.

Come back anyway!!